When I first was introduced to the lovingkindness practice, it didn’t seem to work for me. The idea that I could wish myself well seemed to go against the stories of “I could do better, I should do better” and “I messed up that thing (years ago) so I don’t deserve to be happy” that were (and often still are) part of my usual internal dialog.
A slight variation on the ordering on the subjects to whom lovingkindness is being directed helped me through the rut. Instead of starting with myself, I could start with a benefactor – someone who knows my innate goodness, and who communicates that with eyes filled with love. I could picture myself as a young girl, visiting my grandmother, drinking tea and eating cookies. From there I could touch into that feeling of complete acceptance and love. If Oma could love me that much, surely I must be worthy of love. Then I could say the lovingkindness phrases that I memorized from one of Sylvia Boorstein’s books:
May I feel protected and safe.
May I feel contented and pleased.
May my physical body support me with strength.
May my life unfold smoothly with ease.
In her book Lovingkindness, Sharon Salzberg says:
Looking at people and communicating that they can be loved, and that they can love in return, is giving them a tremendous gift. It is also a gift to ourselves. We see that we are one with the fabric of life. This is the power of metta: to teach ourselves and our world this inherent loveliness.
Looking into the loving eyes of a benefactor helped me look at myself with loving eyes.
Having overcome that barrier, the next stages in the lovingkindness practice aren’t as difficult for me.
Just as I wish to be safe, may you be safe.
Just as I wish to be happy, may you be happy.
Just as I wish to be healthy, may you be healthy.
Just as I wish to live with ease, may you leave with ease.
Looking with loving eyes, there isn’t a separation between me, my friends, the people I encounter in daily life, and even the people that can be difficult.
Now, one of my favorite ways to practice lovingkindness is when I’m walking to or from work. For each person that I meet, I can mentally recite one of the phrases.
You, the woman pushing a carriage with an energetic baby, may you and your child be safe.
You, the person waiting for the bus as a crisp wind blows, may you be happy.
You, the person leaving the coffee shop, may you be healthy.
You, the person talking on your phone as you wait for the crosswalk light to come on, may you live with ease.
And now you… may you be safe. And you… may you be happy… And you…
By the time I get to my destination, I’ve connected with so many people.
This simple quality of heart is utterly profound.
Lovingkindness. It works!
With every good wish for this fourth week of practice together,
Andrea G