As we have learned in the past two weeks, the body can be a real portal to presence (e.g. body scan, day 10); this week we will realize that it can also help us to unveil our emotions and thoughts, so we can develop a wise relationship with the spectrum of pleasant and not-so-pleasant thoughts and emotions. In this way the body can always be a portal for us to dive into the core of our emotions and thoughts, so we can befriend whatever is happening… right? Well, sometimes. Sometimes my body is a Pandora’s box. As an overachiever, I used to investigate every unconfortable sensation in my body in order to “solve it”, be a “better person” and move on to the next problem. With practice I realized that my approach was a bit misleading, and here is why:
- First, I am not “a problem to solve”. All the joyous moments and painful experiences are like colourful threads that intertwine to make a unique and one of a kind tapestry that makes me, me. Why would I want to make it different? The aim of mindfulness is not to “get rid of” difficult bits and pieces, but to learn how to skillfully relate with them. In the words of Sharon Salzberg “Our goal is not to wipe out thoughts and emotions, not even very negative or painful ones. We couldn’t succeed at that even if we tried. Our goal is to establish a more spacious relationship to them, so that we are empowered”. I may have those difficult emotions and thoughts for the rest of my life, but it is the way I relate to them that brings me suffering. I invite you to get rid of any agenda or self-improvement project you may have before you sit. Check your heart’s intention, and enjoy the ride.
- Second, there are some uncomfortable sensations that harbour very powerful emotions or beliefs rooted deep in our identity, and it is counterproductive to directly approach them at the first chance (hence, the Pandora’s box). Sticky thoughts and feelings related to trauma are overwhelming and tricky to handle; thus, they cannot be investigated in a 15 minute body scan. It wouldn’t be wise to ignore them or push them away either. Instead, we can recognize the Pandora’s box sitting on a corner, and without opening it we can acknowledge the shape, the colour, the volume. Moreover, we can get help from our body in case the experience gets too overwhelming. For example, if all the activity is taking place in the chest area, then we can make the conscious decision to kindly turn the attention to somewhere more positive or neutral. Anywhere from the feet to the tip of the right pinky will work just fine as a place to focus. Of note, some of us need extra help to develop the skills to work with these sticky thoughts, and that’s totally okay. Therapy and professional counselling have an arsenal of tools to assist you in this challenge!
My heart goes out to all people who have experienced trauma and still strive to check in. Those who make a conscious effort to befriend the wounds and the scars, to relate to what happened with kindness and compassion, to seek help when necessary, to forgive to the greatest extent possible… to turn themselves to the present.
Wishing all the best in your practice,
Catalina.