I’ve been meditating for just over a year, with a focus these past two months on developing a daily meditation practice. I’ve felt encouraged by my progress, grateful for our teacher and our local retreats, and appreciative of our community.
But there was something about my breathing during meditation that didn’t seem quite right to me. It felt like I was pushing my breath, but the guided meditations kept referring to following the breath. Since I only knew one way to breathe, I just kept focusing on the breath. I worked at concentrating and continued my daily practice, grateful for whatever tools, tips, resources and exercises were offered.
Then about a month ago something clicked. Like that moment when you’re learning to ride your bike and you realize your Dad has let go and you’re actually pedaling yourself.
It was during one of our weekly guided meditations. I don’t know if it was our teacher’s words, how she said them, or if it had anything to do with where I was at that moment – or maybe all of the above – but I experienced it.
I realized I was resting in the breath.
Ahhh. So this is what they meant.
It was gentle. Easy. Soft. No pushing or pulling. I was just being one with my breath. I actually was resting in the breath.
I’m pretty sure the sun broke through the clouds and I’m pretty sure I heard organ music.
It was another reminder of what I am constantly learning to be true: that if I keep practicing, if I keep developing and deepening with the help of our teachers and community, if I keep doing all of this, then whatever needs to come, will come.
It starts with the breath and it keeps going with the breath.
It is in me.
Carol J.