On the last Wednesday of every month, our local sangha focuses on metta (lovingkindness). At the end of January, as we were getting ready to start this meditation challenge, we took some inspiration from the song “Happy” by Pharrell Williams.
The subsequent discussion dove into definitions of happiness – “Real Happiness”, as Sharon titled her books. What do we mean by happiness? We can’t be “happy” all the time; there are undeniably painful things that happen. But we can experience a real, lasting happiness.
Wait. What? While I intuitively understood the difference, I got stuck here.
A few days later, an article by Elisha Goldstein came across my newsfeed. Elisha has just written a book called Uncovering Happiness, and in the article, he describes what he means by happiness:
The kind of happiness I’m referring to is what the Greeks call eudaimonic happiness, this is a deeper, more meaningful type of happiness than, let’s say, the happiness you experience when you have a positive emotion after winning a pot of money. You might get swept up with the mental and emotional waves from time to time, but underneath it is this core sense of self-love and confidence in knowing that you can handle it and things are going to be okay.
That was an “aha!” moment for me. I could see where my stuckness from that discussion on happiness came from. That word “happiness” has different meanings…
- The “we can’t be happy all the time” type of happiness is what Elisha calls “hedonic”. That’s the kind of happiness we often see advertised (buy this car, or wear this perfume, or live in this house). This type of happiness isn’t bad, but it isn’t lasting.
- The “we can experience a real, lasting happiness” type of happiness is what he refers to as “eudaimonic happiness”.
Sharon explains this in Real Happiness as well:
Real, abiding happiness, we discover, isn’t the result of getting our needs met temporarily. That often leads to an endless cycle of disappointment and escalating desire: The things we pin our hopes on don’t prove to be enough; the bar is continually being raised, and then we’re on the lookout for something more.
Conventional happiness – the consolation of momentary distraction – is not only transitory, it can be isolating, show through with an undercurrent of fear*. …
Real happiness depends on what we do with our attention. When we train our attention through meditation, we connect to ourselves, to our own true experience, and then we connect to others. The simple act of being completely attentive and present to another person** is an act of love, and it fosters unshakeable well-being. It is a happiness that isn’t bound to a particular situation, happiness that can withstand change.
* The phrase “undercurrent of fear” reminds me of Brené Brown’s discussion on “foreboding joy” as one of the ways people try to protect themselves from being vulnerable. (Daring Greatly, chapter 4)
** The notion of “being completely attentive and present to another person” reminds me of a recent Soul Pancake video on “How To Connect With Anyone”.
At our sangha’s sit yesterday, Jeanne shared a website she found, the “Secret Society of Happy People”, that describes 31 “flavors” of happiness. (For some reason, I suddenly want ice cream…)
Jeanne also described two kinds of happiness that the Buddha discussed – a worldly happiness (I think the Pali term she used was pamoja), which is dependent on sensuality – and a spiritual happiness (sukha). So different flavors of happiness have been around for a long time. 🙂
This practice that we’ve been doing this month – planting seeds of concentration, mindfulness, and compassion – is nurturing real happiness. That happiness that can help us savor the “worldly” happiness, and also help us find the space to hold the painful experiences, with compassion and love.
It has been my distinct honor to share my practice with you in these blog posts. I thank you all for your support and encouragement this month.
— Andrea G