With today being Valentine’s Day, it seemed appropriate to delve into the Real Happiness chapter on Mindfulness and Emotions.
In the section “Just Non-Do It”, Sharon recounts a story told by Chuang Tzu, about a man who didn’t like his shadow or footsteps, and tried to outrun them, until he finally dropped dead of exhaustion. The story says had he stopped in the shade, his shadow would have disappeared and the footsteps would cease as well.
Then Sharon reminds us:
Practicing mindfulness meditation is making the choice to be still – to step into the quiet shade instead of running away from difficult thoughts and feelings.
Running away from difficult thoughts and feelings is definitely something I do. (That’s why I went into engineering and work in IT – math and science seems much “cleaner” than these messy, sticky emotions.)
I remember one of the first times I tried meditation. A couple of years ago, I went to an introductory session a local teacher offered one evening. The teacher gave a little talk and then took us through a short body scan exercise. Feel my feet, hands, head, … Okay. Focus on breathing, … Okay. After some gentle instruction, the teacher stopped talking and let us sit in silence. I’m sure it was only a couple of minutes, but I remember being completely overwhelmed by the noise and activity that was going on in my head. I was definitely caught off guard. My expectation was for something relaxing, and the conflict between my expectations and my experience was anything but. Finally, the bell rang, and the teacher asked for feedback. Most people commented on how they felt peaceful and calm. That certainly wasn’t my experience…
It took me almost a year (and a change in jobs, and a relationship breakup), before I was willing to try meditation again.
I can’t say whether it was the changes in my life, or a different teacher, or the feeling that “I paid good money for this MBSR course, so I’m going to stick it out”, or the having the support of the group, but with time, I have been better able to find stillness in non-doing.
I learned the “RAIN” acronym in MBSR, and Sharon reiterates it in this chapter as well. It has helped me with these messy, sticky emotions and feelings. As a matter of fact, I practiced RAIN during my sit this morning. After I got started, I noticed my mind had jumped to reviewing an email I had received this morning…
- Recognize – what is happening right now?
Well, I’m feeling confused. Conflicted. Torn. - Accept (or Allow) – letting this feeling be
Rather than jumping with my default of “let’s just think about something else”, I said to myself, “Okay, I’m feeling torn.” - Investigate – how am I feeling this in my body
Well, there’s a tug in my heart, a ball in my stomach. Maybe a flush in my face.
Oh wait, that feeling of warmth in my face brings me to another layer – some shame. Investigate that… - Non-identification – who I am is not what I am feeling/thinking
Having taken these steps, I had some space to deal with the conflicted emotions. I could make a better decision about how to respond.
Sharon also quotes from the poem “Keeping quiet” by Pablo Neruda. This passage really resonated with me today:
If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves …
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.
With warm wishes for your practice,
Andrea G